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'Abused By My Girlfriend' BBC


Gedee

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BBC Quote...

"Abused By My Girlfriend tells the remarkable story of Alex Skeel, a 23-year-old man from Bedford who survived an abusive relationship with his girlfriend Jordan Worth. 

Combining observational filming with personal and police archive, this film provides a raw and uninhibited window into a teenage romance that descended into terrible violence"

It was really by chance I happened to watch two documentaries last night on Abuse ...

One I had recorded a few weeks ago (CH4. I think) which focused on the police cases, of the abuse,of two separate women by their partners ... It was horrific !!

But if that was no bad enough, I thought, let's get this other one oot the way. Cannae be mair depressing than the previous one. God was I wrong on that score.

It's maybe not the thing most people would want to watch. But if you want to be enlightened, & find the facts & reasons/excuses for abuse,I suggest you watch.

Both were bad But this guy (mentioned above) was just about unbelievable ...

Over the course of a long period, he had suffered at the hands of his partner ... Hammer Blows, Knife Slashings, Stab Wounds, Continuous Beatings, Kettles of Boiling Water thrown over him ... The police initially accepted the partner's statement, that his wounds etc were selfinflicted (self-harming) But when eventually they realised this was not the case, they took him to hospital ... And the verdict was the effects of this continued punishment, had it not been treated, he would have been dead in 10 days. 

The programme was NOT sensationalised in any way, but if you do watch it, I'm sure, like me, it will give you an insight into abuse ... The extent this is happening.

At this point, I'd like to apologise. I've posted some "pretend fun stuff" about Mrs G. beating me. I now think, it was wrong & insensitive to everyone. I will stop this.

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2 hours ago, Gedee said:

BBC Quote...

"Abused By My Girlfriend tells the remarkable story of Alex Skeel, a 23-year-old man from Bedford who survived an abusive relationship with his girlfriend Jordan Worth. 

Combining observational filming with personal and police archive, this film provides a raw and uninhibited window into a teenage romance that descended into terrible violence"

It was really by chance I happened to watch two documentaries last night on Abuse ...

One I had recorded a few weeks ago (CH4. I think) which focused on the police cases, of the abuse,of two separate women by their partners ... It was horrific !!

But if that was no bad enough, I thought, let's get this other one oot the way. Cannae be mair depressing than the previous one. God was I wrong on that score.

It's maybe not the thing most people would want to watch. But if you want to be enlightened, & find the facts & reasons/excuses for abuse,I suggest you watch.

Both were bad But this guy (mentioned above) was just about unbelievable ...

Over the course of a long period, he had suffered at the hands of his partner ... Hammer Blows, Knife Slashings, Stab Wounds, Continuous Beatings, Kettles of Boiling Water thrown over him ... The police initially accepted the partner's statement, that his wounds etc were selfinflicted (self-harming) But when eventually they realised this was not the case, they took him to hospital ... And the verdict was the effects of this continued punishment, had it not been treated, he would have been dead in 10 days. 

The programme was NOT sensationalised in any way, but if you do watch it, I'm sure, like me, it will give you an insight into abuse ... The extent this is happening.

At this point, I'd like to apologise. I've posted some "pretend fun stuff" about Mrs G. beating me. I now think, it was wrong & insensitive to everyone. I will stop this.

Hi Gedee, didn't see any of the programmes myself but I did read about the boiling water etc....as you say. ..horrific to think the poor guy suffering like that. How ANYONE can think they can do this to other human beings and think they can get away with it is hard to stomach. Having been brought up in a housing scheme in the sixties I would say that domestic abuse was rife in that the men went to the pub every night  , no one was awash with cash back in the day and if the women said anything it was a swift backhander or two for them. I have in a drawer in my house an Andy Capp annual of which I was trying to describe the supposed humour to a young male teacher where I work where Flo hits Andy over the head with a rolling pin after coming home pissed and I failed miserably when I tried to balance things out by explaining it's ok because andy usually bangs her in the puss. The shocked look on the young guys face was of astonishment that this passed as humour back in the day but one thing was clear that this was normal for many at that time. Sorry Gedee if I'm maybe rambling on a bit but people don't have to put up with treatment like that ....there is help out there for people....getting them the courage to take the first step to getting help is another thing.  One final note Gedee , I wouldn't be too hard on yourself as we all say things about our good ladies and they are taken in the manner they are meant to without meaning to offend.

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Gedee, I wouldn't (if you excuse the pun) beat yourself up over this, your very obviously humorous posts about 'domestic violence' are just that, humorous. I've been the victim of domestic violence myself, I used to have a girlfriend who thought it was acceptable to lash out at me and we were both in our late 20's at the time so no excuses of youth. Most people thought it was quite funny (I wasn't shy in telling people, especially her friends) as I was still playing rugby at the time and was a playful 16 odd stone, I used to laugh at the punching but a pointy shoe to the shin was bloody sore. She got her jotters before we got to the boiling water and me waking up with a bread knife in my chest, pity, 'cos as discussed in another thread, the nuts ones are the um... better bedfellows. 

I'll not be watching the programmes, I find it all too tragic, we all know its wrong.

 

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1 hour ago, Janny62 said:

Hi Gedee, didn't see any of the programmes myself but I did read about the boiling water etc....as you say. ..horrific to think the poor guy suffering like that. How ANYONE can think they can do this to other human beings and think they can get away with it is hard to stomach. Having been brought up in a housing scheme in the sixties I would say that domestic abuse was rife in that the men went to the pub every night  , no one was awash with cash back in the day and if the women said anything it was a swift backhander or two for them. I have in a drawer in my house an Andy Capp annual of which I was trying to describe the supposed humour to a young male teacher where I work where Flo hits Andy over the head with a rolling pin after coming home pissed and I failed miserably when I tried to balance things out by explaining it's ok because andy usually bangs her in the puss. The shocked look on the young guys face was of astonishment that this passed as humour back in the day but one thing was clear that this was normal for many at that time. Sorry Gedee if I'm maybe rambling on a bit but people don't have to put up with treatment like that ....there is help out there for people....getting them the courage to take the first step to getting help is another thing.  One final note Gedee , I wouldn't be too hard on yourself as we all say things about our good ladies and they are taken in the manner they are meant to without meaning to offend.

Hello My Friend ...Thank you. I really appreciate your response  (And you are not at all "rambling on a bit")

I don't want to really add any more than what I already said in the OP...Because I was not sure if this, was the

the right place to speak about these things. But I would like to emphasise again, both programmes, although

neither made for easy viewing, I'd suggest, everyone should watch them...Not sensational, but professional.

There was one comment that stuck with me, that was made by his friend "Abuse is abuse & a victim is a victim"

whether it be man or woman, old or young And the point was well made, that abuse can/does, take many forms.

Physical, mental, emotional, sexual, any form of control & probably much more, in my naivety, I never thought of.

(Thanks also for your reassuring final comment)

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1 hour ago, Chomp my root said:

Gedee, I wouldn't (if you excuse the pun) beat yourself up over this, your very obviously humorous posts about 'domestic violence' are just that, humorous. I've been the victim of domestic violence myself, I used to have a girlfriend who thought it was acceptable to lash out at me and we were both in our late 20's at the time so no excuses of youth. Most people thought it was quite funny (I wasn't shy in telling people, especially her friends) as I was still playing rugby at the time and was a playful 16 odd stone, I used to laugh at the punching but a pointy shoe to the shin was bloody sore. She got her jotters before we got to the boiling water and me waking up with a bread knife in my chest, pity, 'cos as discussed in another thread, the nuts ones are the um... better bedfellows. 

I'll not be watching the programmes, I find it all too tragic, we all know its wrong.

 

Hello Good Friend. As above in my response to Janny' Thank you also, for your reassuring comments.

It's obvious to me by your posts you look for the humour and positive aspects in even the worst situations.

I try to do the same myself (because it works for me) But after viewing both programmes, maybe it's time

to show a wee bit more care & sensitivity. Not in all areas. But certainly some...But I'll never take myself &

my views & opinions too seriously (even though, jist like yirsel chomp, I'm nearly aye right in what eh say) :happyno:

It takes a lot of courage for anyone to talk about abusive situations. I guess it is harder probably for most

men to speak to anyone about being abused (even in private) I'd like to think I could but I'm not sure I could.

So without dwelling too much on your past experiences chomp...I'd like you to know, I really respect you for

being willing to talk about your own personal experiences on a public forum...And it may even help others.

 

 

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7 minutes ago, Gedee said:

Hello Good Friend. As above in my response to Janny' Thank you also, for your reassuring comments.

It's obvious to me by your posts you look for the humour and positive aspects in even the worst situations.

I try to do the same myself (because it works for me) But after viewing both programmes, maybe it's time

to show a wee bit more care & sensitivity. Not in all areas. But certainly some...But I'll never take myself &

my views & opinions too seriously (even though, jist like yirsel chomp, I'm nearly aye right in what eh say) :happyno:

It takes a lot of courage for anyone to talk about abusive situations. I guess it is harder probably for most

men to speak to anyone about being abused (even in private) I'd like to think I could but I'm not sure I could.

So without dwelling too much on your past experiences chomp...I'd like you to know, I really respect you for

being willing to talk about your own personal experiences on a public forum...And it may even help others.

 

 

While being in the Forces is a bit different to 'normal' work we got to know each other better than most work colleagues. I know loads of guys who's other half's thought it was ok for them to hit a bloke but not the other way round. I'm not talking your Margaret's regular regime of punishment beatings, just lashing out in frustration or anger stuff. The night it came to a head with my ex she was going for it and I did eventually put her under warning that the next time she hit me I'd hit her back and when she did I gave her a skelp on the thigh. She had the cheek to give it the "you hit me !!!!" stuff which is pretty bizarre considering A) It wasn't even that hard and B ) The double standards involved.

I think its fair to say I don't fit the stereotypical 'victim' profile but there are a lot of women out there who are quite 'handsy'. 

I wouldn't get too bogged down with the finding humour in dark places Gedee, there's all sorts of things that are horrible that we joke about, a lot of humour has some 'butt' at the end of the joke if you excuse the expression and I think most people are fine with that as long as its not malicious, might be wrong of course..... I've been wrong before, 1986 I think it was. ;)

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1 hour ago, Chomp my root said:

Gedee, I wouldn't (if you excuse the pun) beat yourself up over this, your very obviously humorous posts about 'domestic violence' are just that, humorous. I've been the victim of domestic violence myself, I used to have a girlfriend who thought it was acceptable to lash out at me and we were both in our late 20's at the time so no excuses of youth. Most people thought it was quite funny (I wasn't shy in telling people, especially her friends) as I was still playing rugby at the time and was a playful 16 odd stone, I used to laugh at the punching but a pointy shoe to the shin was bloody sore. She got her jotters before we got to the boiling water and me waking up with a bread knife in my chest, pity, 'cos as discussed in another thread, the nuts ones are the um... better bedfellows. 

I'll not be watching the programmes, I find it all too tragic, we all know its wrong.

 

 Hi Chomp,  growing up I probably witnessed more than any kid should ever had to ...often the kids are also brought into situations through no fault of their own but how it affects them or how they can deal with things can stay with them through their lives. As for myself I've always try to turn negative experiences into the positive   ...that is something that has just evolved in me , but I I think any situation that life throws at me never fazes me.....I might be one of the lucky ones, others are not so fortunate but no doubt domestic abuse can be far reaching.

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2 minutes ago, Janny62 said:

 Hi Chomp,  growing up I probably witnessed more than any kid should ever had to ...often the kids are also brought into situations through no fault of their own but how it affects them or how they can deal with things can stay with them through their lives. As for myself I've always try to turn negative experiences into the positive   ...that is something that has just evolved in me , but I I think any situation that life throws at me never fazes me.....I might be one of the lucky ones, others are not so fortunate but no doubt domestic abuse can be far reaching.

I was lucky to have the parents I did (still have one of them) and couldn't imagine my dad hitting my mum (or vice versa) but I was aware that it was a 'thing'. Its great that now its seen as an issue and there are real efforts to educate people, you'll never be able to stop violence but flagging it up as wrong is a huge step in minimising it. 

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5 minutes ago, Chomp my root said:

While being in the Forces is a bit different to 'normal' work we got to know each other better than most work colleagues. I know loads of guys who's other half's thought it was ok for them to hit a bloke but not the other way round. I'm not talking your Margaret's regular regime of punishment beatings, just lashing out in frustration or anger stuff. The night it came to a head with my ex she was going for it and I did eventually put her under warning that the next time she hit me I'd hit her back and when she did I gave her a skelp on the thigh. She had the cheek to give it the "you hit me !!!!" stuff which is pretty bizarre considering A) It wasn't even that hard and B ) The double standards involved.

I think its fair to say I don't fit the stereotypical 'victim' profile but there are a lot of women out there who are quite 'handsy'. 

I wouldn't get too bogged down with the finding humour in dark places Gedee, there's all sorts of things that are horrible that we joke about, a lot of humour has some 'butt' at the end of the joke if you excuse the expression and I think most people are fine with that as long as its not malicious, might be wrong of course..... I've been wrong before, 1986 I think it was. 

Hi Chomp ... As always you are right on form.

The guy involved in the documentary appeared more of the "quiet kind" He did admit to being afraid of her. But I also felt that like many men, the idea of raising his hand to a woman, was probably something he couldn't/wouldn't consider (You know of course that is not a comment on the way you dealt with your situation) ...

I would think if any kind of ongoing abuse will just escalate if not addressed/dealt with.

Going back however to the other documentary ... Both these women went through hell, before they eventually realised ...This is no right !!

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As oor freend, the Janny' says above ... Although we may not have been directly (on a personal level) suffered the kind of adult abuse, as highlighted by the films mentioned above, it is likely, at a less direct level (maybe as a child, we have seen/experienced/heard of it happening) And the fact the abuse can take so many different forms, some folk (imo) ... both the abuser & the person being abused, may (or will) start to believe it is acceptable.

In part of my work, before I retired, I worked with children & young adults who had experienced all kinds of forms of abuse.

This made me focus on this age group. Although for obvious reasons this is a greater concern Abuse at any age is wrong.

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