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The Whopping Big Lie Transfer News 2020/21

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I hear that we are getting 6 players on a free transfer from Celtic for services rendered during the vote.

I heard that one of the players is Leigh Griffiths, apparently we looking to pay for his hair transplant fees with Hair Transplant Glasgow.

Griffiths below sporting his new hair line!

https://www.whoateallthepies.tv/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/henrik-larsson-celtic.png

Gary Harking is reported to be coming out of retirement to play for us again, unfortunately there isn't enough hair in the world to cover his fees. Gary Harkins was pictured below at the clubs press statement.

"We are happy to have Gary back at the club, we missed his screwing around before, during and after the game and the dressing room was a lot cleaner without him around." stated Dundee Boss McPake.

3ajlp8gw.jpg

The Dimitar Ivanov Moussa rumours are doing a round in the three barrels again, Chomp will probably get a round of drinks in, and that might be the bigger bargain of the season!

Other news in, James McPake has said that the new football scientific department have found the answer to Jack Hamilton goal keeping problems. Jack, loves his new gloves and is apparently is still learning God Save the Queen, however it has been reported that he keeps fumbling his lines.... where have we heard that one before ;) (Sorry Jack, we love ya honestly! 🤣)

jack hamilton big gloves.jpg

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Dundee's link up with AC Milan will sees several Milan players coming to Dens. Paolo Maldini the Third is quoted as saying "I can't wait to pull on the dark blue of Dundee for half a season befor

I hear that we are getting 6 players on a free transfer from Celtic for services rendered during the vote. I heard that one of the players is Leigh Griffiths, apparently we looking to pay for his

Lawrence Shankland to score an SPL goal before clubs far and wide fight over his multi million pound signature.

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19 minutes ago, Reverend Lovejoy said:

Lawrence Shankland to score an SPL goal before clubs far and wide fight over his multi million pound signature.

You have taken it too far . Your being silly now 😂

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Dundee have confirmed the signing of former Spurs striker Mido.

The 37-year-old joins the Dens outfit on a three-year-old 15 years after first being linked with the club by the poster CC33 on Dundee Mad.

The club have refused to give details about the player's contract but it is believed the deal has been financed by Giovanni Di Stefano.

The Italian has given his word that he will transfer a sizeable sum into Dundee's account from his prison cell sometime soon.

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After Dundee's dramatic victory at Tynecastle which clinched the Championship title, James McPake said talks to sign Charlie Adam were progressing well and the club were optimistic about signing the player for next season.

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Dundee's link up with AC Milan will sees several Milan players coming to Dens.

Paolo Maldini the Third is quoted as saying "I can't wait to pull on the dark blue of Dundee for half a season before f*cking everyone over and going to The Rangers for free, thanks to a clause in my contract that says I can do whatever the f*ck I want, I would like to thank my agent Bruno Envelope for acting in my best interests."

While sipping a coffee at Visocchi's, Fabrizio Canneloni has told TDBF that his agent Pat Billio advised him against a move to Dens, however the young player showing that he is already picking up on the local culture by adding that unlike Jack Hamilton, he will not let this chance slip through his fingers.

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Dundee have strengthened their defensive options by signing Nigerian Efe Ambrose.

Ambrose said: "My friends back home said I was a Dundee United for moving to the city but I told them it's the sunniest city in the country and has braw pehs and that shut them up."

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1 hour ago, Reverend Lovejoy said:

Lawrence Shankland to score an SPL goal before clubs far and wide fight over his multi million pound signature.

Talking about Florence wankland,did you see juicy melon near wetting his breaks telling the stv reporter that he was now fit..f**cking embarrassing 

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Lorraine Kelly has spent the same number of nights in my bed as Shankland has Premiership goals. I wonder if we'll still be tied come the end of the season.

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